*Out Break Wrestling interviewer, Jackson Black, is shown in the backstage area.*
Jackson Black: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. It is my pleasure to introduce to you Reverend Rufus Q. Ribbenthorpe III.
*The camera shows The Reverend, who stands next to Black.*
Jackson Black: Welcome to Out Break Wrestling, Reverend.
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Thank you, whatever your name is.
Jackson Black: Oh, my fault. I'm sorry. I'm Jackson Black and I'm the interviewer of OBW...
*The Reverend interrupts him.*
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: The interviewer, huh? Actually not the person I'm looking for...
Jackson Black: Looking for? Who are you looking for? Maybe I can help with...
*Again Ribbenthorpe interrupts him.*
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Where is that yakuzi guy? I want to relax before my match...
*Black scratches his head.*
Jackson Black: Hmm... are you sure you know what you're talking about?
*The Reverend glares at him.*
Reverend Ribbenthorpe (angrily): What do you mean? I know exactly what I want. You got to know, sunny, the only reason why I signed this contract was the reason OBW offers yakuzis for its wrestlers... and holy Discordia be my witness, if I'm not relaxing in an olibanum flavoured bubbly bubble bath within the next 7 minutes I can guarantee for trouble... So, where are the yakuzis?
*Jackson Black pauses and watches The Reverend from head to toe.*
Jackson Black: I guess there is a mistake about it. Sorry to say this, but we don't have any yakuzis...
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: WHAAAAT?!?!? Are you kidding me?
Jackson Black: No, Sir. Sorry, Sir. I didn't want to upset you. But I think you deserved to know the bitter truth.
*Black sends a sarcastic smile to Ribbenthorpe. The fans in the arena, who watch it on the OBW tron burst into laughter.*
Reverend Rufus: Are you serious?
Jackson Black (seriously): I'm serious.
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Damn!
Jackson Black: Yes.
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Where is the General Manager? I have to complain about this. If there is no yakuzi for me then the contract is void. Or to say it like this: no bubble - much trouble!...
Jackson Black: Ahem... I beg your pardon your highness, but before you go, may I check your contract?
*The Reverend grabs into his suits and pulls out the contract out of his inner pocket. Black takes it and starts to read.*
Jackson Black: Give me a minute, please.
*The Reverend shruggs his shoulders. He reaches down to a bag at his feet and takes out a big ancient looking book. Half loud he starts to recite from it in an unknown language. Suddenly he stops and bows down to get a big, sharp knife from the bag. Again he starts to whisper those strange sounding words. Then he suddenly stops again, puts the book on the floor and the pulls out of the bag... a black cat. Of course the cat does not feel entertained by this and tries to escape, but the grip is to close.*
*Jackson Black visibly irritated stops reading the contract watches Ribbenthorpe.*
*The Reverend spreads his arms, closes his eyes and stars to whisper again. In his left hand he has the big, sharp knife and in his right hand he has the cat, which seems to be intelligent enough to see what might be coming and starts to fight again out of Ribbenthorpe's hand.*
Jackson Black: Hey! What are you doing there? I hope you're not doing of what I think you're doing?
*The Reverend opens one eye and stares at Black.*
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Daily prayers?
Jackson Black: Oh... Okay. Go on.
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Thanks.
*Fast as lightning The Reverend pushes the knife into the cat's throat. Streams of blood shoot out and cover The Reverend and Jackson Black. The Reverend mumbles a few final verses and addresses to Jackson Black again.*
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: So?
*Jackson Black returns the paper (which has a few bloody spots on it now). Thoughtful he snips a blood drop from his nose. Then he clears his throat.*
Jackson Black: Well, obviously it is a misunderstanding. Sorry to inform you, but there is nothing about a yakuzi service for you. As a matter of fact it says your contract partners are the Yakuza brothers...
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Here we go. That's it... isn't it?
Jackson Black (shakes his head): No...
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Isn't yakuza the plural of yakuzi?
Jackson Black (shakes his head): No...
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: And those Yakuza Brothers have no yakuzis?
Jackson Black (shakes his head): No...
Reverend Ribbenthorpe: Damn!
Jackson Black (nods): Yes.
*The camera man slips on the cat's blood and the camera turns black.*
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*IMPORTANT NOTE by OBW: Of course no real animals were harmed in this segment. The cat was a professional stuntcat, which did this scene for about 999 times before... We'll always remember you, Fritz.
** IMPORTANT NOTE by OBW: The animal sacrifice scene in this segment is based on the Rites & Myths of the Discordian Legion of the Dynamic Discord (q.v. Principia Discordia) and does never refer to any other existing or nonexisting religion.
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Subject: No Bubble - Much Trouble 
Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:21 pm
